Every December, right before New Years, I dedicate a journal entry to my resolutions. It is everything a journal entry should be; color coded with detailed plans, goals, and deadlines. Every year I am so damn passionate about the goals I have set out for myself and have full confidence that I will succeed in the cliche “New Year, New Me!!!” idea …and yet I don’t. Over the last 4 years I have given up on every. single. resolution. at various times with references to various excuses. I always try to pick them back up as the year goes on…and yet I don’t. It always seems like I can start them tomorrow, or next week, or after I’m done with my show, or after school winds down. My excuses were continuous and to be honest very, very lame.
It wasn’t until June 1st of 2017 that I decided to look back on, not just my resolutions from this year, but from years past as well. I was heartbroken, disappointed, and flat out defeated to see that my resolutions from 2017 were the exact same as the ones I had written for 2016, and 2015, and 2014, all the way back to 2013.
My resolutions for this year are as followed:
- Yoga. Everyday.
- Write. Everyday.
- Go on frequent walks, enjoy nature.
- Start running.
- Preach patients and kindness through meditation.
- Start taking care of myself and my belongings.
The journal I had dug up from 2013 had resolutions written under the title “A Journey Begins” they were:
- Yoga in the morning
- Run every other day
- Keep my room and myself in good care.
- Write something, anything
- Meditate for at least 5 minutes
- Be outside for at least 20 minutes each day
I then went on to say “I know what I have to do, to be who I want to be, it’s just about me doing it…it’s about improving my quality of life.”
This was a brutal wake-up call for me.
What is wrong with me that I consistently have this idea of what I’m passionate about, that I know what I want to add to my life, but I just can not follow through?
I’ve spent the last four years trying to better myself with meditation, exercise, yoga, nature, and self care, why could I not commit to these seemingly simple practices? I love all of these things, I feel good when I do these things, I want to make them a part of my life…and yet I have’t.
It’s all on me. I was not too busy for this. I did not have a lack of resources. I was blessed with everything that I needed to succeed..and yet I haven’t.
I’ve finally has enough of my lazy, motivation lacking, stagnate, excuse making self. It is time for a change and it is staring with this blog post.
This blog is the beginning of my journey not only to the resolutions I have set out for myself time and time again, but to overcoming myself and moving on towards one goals that encompasses all my goals: Wellness.
Wellness can be interpreted in many different ways, I myself am not sure how to define it. For now it is a vague goal of harmony of mind and body, that fulfills my personal wants and beliefs. There is no specific road map to wellness, its an individual journey with the only direction being ones’ heart and mind (both of which have misguided me in the past).
This isn’t just about my journey. I want to inspire you, the person who took the time to read this, to become the best version of yourself. It’s hard in today’s social media culture to see the struggle, the journey, the failure to get to a point of self satisfaction. We normally only see the seemingly perfect end product. Don’t get me wrong I love all the yoga and food blogs I follow, but it’s hard to see other people succeeding in what I want to succeed in with what seems like ease oozing out of every pore. However, I hope to draw strength from those that inspire me on this path, instead of harboring resentment, hopefully you do the same.
I am going on a journey to improve my quality of life…and this time its for real.